I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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