No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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