so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Sober January is a disaster.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
His hands were made for my vagina.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Randomize
