Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just googled if crying burns calories
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
