'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
