Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So squirting runs in the family.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
