if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
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How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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