I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
