Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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