i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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