How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
