Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
