Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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