Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
