Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
