i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
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