I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
A+ Viking dick