Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.