4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
