I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
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DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
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exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours