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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?

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• (407): View more from Florida

  I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.

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• (315): View more from New York

  While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (916): View more from California

  you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.

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