Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.