I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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