The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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