and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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