areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
