at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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