it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
