so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
