Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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