Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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