the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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