kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
