I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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