eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Randomize
