My room smells like vodka and shame
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
