k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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