so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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