Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize