my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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