I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
