Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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