I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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