did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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