you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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