His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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