I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Randomize
