Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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