So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
