Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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