enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
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