the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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