Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
