3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
