Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
there's paper in my vomit.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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