i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
