I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
