Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize