Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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