Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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