let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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