1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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