Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
