Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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