grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
