My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
