Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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