fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
