She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
