dude i'm inner monologue high
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
